Back from a Looooong Hiatus!

It's taken a long time - years, in fact - for me to accept that I need to write. And funnily enough, even now that I'm fairly certain of that, I STILL question it.

Why is it that sometimes it doesn't matter how many times we hear, see, feel, get - whatever - something, changing our minds is still like turning the Titanic around.

So I'm trepidatiously dipping my toe into the pool of writing by giving it some attention, to see if this helps me answer some questions or clarify anything. I can't and won't promise any kind of rhythm or consistency of posting. This is purely for experimental, self-awareness sake.

I'll share what's going on in life, post some pictures, some video. I'm sure my three cats will make an appearance ( or 12! ) at some points along the way. There will probably be some tales of my adventures in graphic design along the way as well. Be prepared for anything! The true object of this is to simply exercise my writing abilities ( I do have some ), to discover if I truly have anything to say ( I suspect I do ), and if so, what is it that I have to offer.

So, that being said, as much as I love and appreciate that you're reading ( if you are! ), this is about me, not about you. Still, you are more than welcome!

Making Friends with Christmas

I just don't like Christmas. There, I said it! I'm out of the closet! I know it isn't a popular position, but I'm being honest, and that's what counts, right?
The holiday simply breeds stress and frustration for me. I spend 11 months of the year with people who typically don't want to do anything except go home and watch TV, then everyone wants to have a party during one week in December. And I have a big issue with our gift culture. We are expected and obligated to give, completely devaluing the gift's significance. Was God obligated to give us Jesus as a 'get-out-of-jail-free-card'? Did we expect Jesus to make a sacrifice for us? The pressure to give good gifts to numerous people, 'holiday tipping', silly gift exchanges, insane sales, mobs of other stressed out, irritated people, and Martha Stewart's un-godly standard of decorating all contribute to the season's misery.
But I know none of those things are the reason for Christmas and that we celebrate in spite of them. So, in a good faith effort to have a good attitude about the season I thought about some ways, some things that would make Christmas something I could enjoy, not despise.

1. Watch more movies.
   I don't mean by myself - or by your self. Round up the silliest, most juvenile friends you've got, gallons of hot chocolate and watch The Muppet Christmas Carol. (It's way better than the Jim Carrey version.)


2. Have a cookie decorating party.
   I did this once. It was loads of fun and churned out lots of Jesus cookies. ;)


3. Drink more.
   Caramel hot chocolate, peppermint mochas, hot cider or anything else that tastes good hiding under a mound of whipped cream. Not what you thought I was gonna say, huh?


4. Play games. Maybe even the reindeer kind.
   Play Monopoly. The real one, not the app on your phone. Play one of the 75 versions of Scene-It. Play Big-Booty. Make some cookies and go to Joanne's for cards and beat Rick. ;)


5. Decorate more. Whatever will stand still. Nothing makes you feel like Christmas more than the scent of fresh evergreen and the soft glow of those little white lights. But not the LED kind. Those things irritate me. ;)

I've been thinking a lot lately - which is never good - about several things. Redemption. How we don't really deserve redemption but its offered to us all. Love. Dreams. Who we are versus how we live.
God is really dealing with me about love these days. And no, it's not just because February ended and we came out of this cheesy, red and pink, Valentine saturated period. This has been going on for some time now. And I mean real love. The kind you have to squeeze out at 11 PM so you can hold your tongue. The kind that convicts you for referring to a friend as 'retard' when you're really upset at them. The kind that refuses to hold a grasp on the grudge that you really, really are not ready to let go yet.
I heard Rick say recently that we try to communicate love with a message of hate. WOW! That could not be further from the truth! It really kicked my butt. I thought about how in my own life there are times that I miss-communicate how I really feel towards someone or how my behaviour towards them does not accurately reflect the esteem in which I hold them. It's not that I myself misuse hate as a jacked-up means of attempting to communicate love; but that the absence of love, or rather the void-ness of it, from my words or actions creates a schism. And God never intended for there to be schisms separating us from anything but hell.
My big spiritual gift is mercy and I've never felt that I had a problem with not being able to love people. I forgive very easily, try very hard to 'not rock the boat' and frequently find myself allowing someone to walk on me. These are the flaws, or weaknesses, that mercy people are known for. We don't like confrontation and we have been know to enable people in issues rather than confront them.
But that's not love. Those are personality traits. They are responses to other's behaviour. Love is what kicks in when the other person is unlovable. We all know the 'Love Chapter' in 1 Corinthians (Ch. 13). It's become quite cliche' to us. But in the loss of its true meaning we have also lost the truest definition of love.
Sometime ago, I went through some things with a friend who made me very angry. Because this person was friend, it was a very emotionally complicated situation. I had feelings of hate, revenge, bitterness - all the wonderful things you feel when someone has wronged you. I wanted to make this person feel as hurt, angry and as bad as they had made me feel. But I struggled to reconcile those feelings with the way that I genuinely felt towards them, which was amicably.
So, one day my 'scripture of the day' application threw at me a verse from the "Love Chapter". What it told me is that real love believes the best about someone even when the circumstances suggest otherwise, it gives them the benefit of the doubt. Real love doesn't hold against someone what they have done to hurt, offend or wrong you. Real love doesn't judge someone by their mistakes, flaws or weaknesses, but cherishes their best, most shinning moments. Real love doesn't react to the sins that others commit against you, but responds with true understanding, patience and wisdom. Real love doesn't seek or find joy in seeing someone suffer in retribution for their transgressions against us.
Paul wrote that "love bears all things". He didn't imply that it was easy or enjoyable, he just that it would endure through everything. As 1 Peter 4:8 says, "love covers over a multitude of sins". Just as the love of God, through Jesus, covers our sins, the love that we bear toward others should cover over theirs.
And so I've learned over the past few months that regardless how strong my mercy gift my be, I have a lot to learn about love. It presents a challenge to me, as it does to all of us simply because true love does not come easily to human nature. The challenge has caused me to seek out more and more God's direction, His will; to be more spirit lead and simply to strive to live out life in a more Christ-like way.
I found a quote recently by author Truman Capote that I thought summed up the idea eloquently: "Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
So, that's how I'm going to try to live - without boundaries.